Wednesday, March 1st

164 So, as my girl Anita would say "I keep doing the same thing with the same results that I already knew I didn’t want".

Once again, no sugar/flour. Falling off the wagon and wallowing in the crappy foods is getting me the same results that I don't want. Bloating, guilt, frustration at myself. Yes its HARD, yes it SUCKS, but I swear I cannot do moderation. Period. I have a little taste of sugar and it sets me off. I HATE that I let it have so much power over me, and its gotta go. I have proven to myself over and over that I have zero restraint when it comes to sugar/flour foods.

So, I'm not the least bit religious, but someone one the lists suggested that some of her co-workers were giving various things up for Lent. She suggested we do a 40-day challenge, whether we went 40 actual days, or 40 days Lent time doesn't matter. Its a Just Do It situation.

Thursday, March 2nd

164 Anyway, today is day 2 without sugar/flour. There's a whole mess of us working on different things. More water, less carbs, no sugar, exercise x/days a week etc. Its really helping to have the group support. Especially the accountability. I really want to walk down to the 3rd floor. Ond of our Exec Admins has a bowl of mini-Hershey's bars on her desk. I want one. The thing is, will that set me off? Maybe I could do just one. Then again, maybe not, so why mess with it? Do I _need_ it? Nope. Once again, it sucks that I have to "abstain" from sugar, but them's the breaks for now. Maybe when I actually stick to the program for a long period of time, I won't want it anymore. Or not so badly that I get cranky just thinking about it.

Tuesday, March 7th

163 Holy hell, its been a busy few days! Got in at 3:30 on Saturday and spent the entire rest of the day holed up in my hotel room, trying to recover from the drinking I did Friday night. Ugh. Sunday I had plans for shopping and tooling around, but after Toby (my co-worker from the SF office) got in we ended up starting work at 1:00pm. We were stuck at our "station" inside the registration area at the Conference. We were bored out of our minds for 4 hours and left at 5pm. After that Toby and I walked over to NY NY and had dinner. Then we walked to MGM and cruised around there for a while, saw the sleeping lionesses, then walked back to the Bellagio. I ended up going on to the Forum shops at Caesars by myself. By the time I got back it was 10pm and I had blisters on a couple of my toes from all the walking! I wonder if I can map out how far from place to place. Hmm.

Yesterday was busier at the conference. Lots of people with laptop problems and connection problems etc. Plus our company just acquired another and we had to reconfigure some laptops for their sales guys. We had to kick people off of our network equipment at 6pm. I went shopping again (mostly window shopping) and then Toby called me from Caesars to see what I wanted to do for dinner. We ended up at Sushi Roku. It was the BEST sushi/sashimi I've ever had, I think I'm ruined for any place in San Jose. It also was the most expensive sushi I've ever had heh. I hope my manager approves that on my expense report *smirk*

Today has been REALLY busy. I love this stuff though. People come up with problems, and I can solve them. Not sure what I'm going to do tonight. Maybe go to the mega-mall, Fashion Show.

On food I'm doing ok. I have already given up on no sugar/flour. I have to learn moderation at some time, I mean really. You guys have seen me do this a few times before. I'll get it figured out eventually. I always want to live in absolutes, because I think they will work. Maybe they work for some people, but not for me. I bet the people that can live with absolutes in one area of their lives, cannot live them in other areas. Like I will NOT smoke anymore. I decided that almost 4 years ago, and boom. Done. But food? heh. Whaaatever.

Monday, March 13th

166 I came home weighing a whopping 168lbs and a head like a faucet. I sniffled and dripped my way through Thursday at home, Friday I tried to go to work, but when I was dropping Keith off he demanded I go home and back to bed. I was feeling really rough anyway. I slept most of the morning until I got a couple of on-call work calls. Saturday I was feeling a lot better and actually got on some gym clothes and my shoes. When I bent over to grab something off the floor however, my head started swimming so I decided to skip it *smirk*. I went to the bookstore and got the South Beach Diet book and that trip tired me out, so back to bed. Yesterday I felt fantastic and I did make it to the gym. I ran/walked for 60 minutes on the treadmill for 4.2 miles (oh yeah, you gotta count that .2 dammit!). Then I came home and ran through the Windsor Pilates Ab workout. That bitch is crazy.

Thursday, March 16th

165 Hmm... took yesterday off and went snowboarding, had some carbs for "energy" and kind of blew it throughout the day. Today is another day.

Friday, March 17th

165 Yeah, yesterday wasn't such a good day either. Whatever.

I ran-walked 3 miles in 40 mins on Tuesday, plus 5 min warmup and 5 min cool down. Snowboarding on Wednesday. I totally have goggle-face from the sun. I took new pics for my progress page. Definitely looking leaner than last year this time. No exercise since Wednesday, but I will remedy that tomorrow. Lets see if I can lose weight down to being able to get into my Tonya-pants without losing my ass at the same time.

Monday, March 20th

163.8 My chest is killing me. I lifted really heavy on Saturday for Chest and Back and Shoulders. 5-6 reps at the max weight I could do. I did a prone bench-press machine and lifted 90lbs for 2 sets of 5 and 1 set of 4. Fricking OW. If that doesn't cause growth, I dunno what will.

Thursday, March 20th

Welp, I finally did it. I've made a date for plastics. May 18th is the day when I emerge just a little bit more from my cocoon. I'm still not totally clear on what I'm going to do. Fred's definitely gone. Probably not a Lower Body Lift cause I'm not that concerned about my hiney. Thighs maybe, or breasts, or arms. If I can do Fred, arms and breasts at once, I will. It would be fun to have a whole new upper body for summer! I'm excited, but not really too scared anymore. I'm ready. I'm loading up on whey protein, taking all my supplements, my labs are good, and I'm working out in a healthy way. I'm happy with my musculature, and I have two more months to take off whatever fat I can. I'm not going to cry if I don't lose any more, but I'll chip away at it.