161 Still going down... That makes 10 lbs this last month. Not as much as before, but still going... I would expect it to slow down, and I'm glad it is. I probably won't have to worry about becoming a bag of bones *laughs*

I had to go to the ER again today. I had a bronchitis relapse. Yesterday I felt okay.. a little coughy, a little stuffy, but by the end of the night I felt like utter hell. I was gurgling and wheezing all night. Keith even woke up and told me he was concerned, so after I dropped him off, I tried to get an appt with my regular doctor, but he couldn't see me till tomorrow afternoon, so I went to the ER instead. They did a chest x-ray and said there was no pneumonia and gave me some gnarly new anti-biotics. I'm wondering if my gastric bypass is preventing me from absorbing all the medication? I'm going to call Alvarado tomorrow and ask them. I don't recall this being a problem, but on the OSSG list a lot of people talk about it.

I still haven't been to the gym. I feel allright aside from the bronchitis. I've been drinking lately... not sure how I feel about it really. Only socially, on the weekends. I temper my intake with water, always. The most I've had was 4 cocktails in an evening and I will NEVER do that again. I went to the club with Shae and some friends from work last week. Two gin and tonics later someone bought me a Kamikaze. I drank it.. holy crap. Then someone bought me a shot of really good tequila. After that I did nothing but drink 4 bottles of water all night and was still hashed at 2am when we got back to her place. I waited a while till I was sober enough and left. I wasn't really sober enough... stupid stupid stupid. I wasn't so drunk anyone else was in danger, but certainly I would have been if I'd gotten pulled over. I've heard many stories about WLS patients getting pulled over for much less alcohol and finding themselves well over legally drunk.

I don't have any new years resolutions... as my friend Jenny's sister Nicole says.. "New Year, New You... New Year, Screw You". I mean, I have things I've decided to do, but not just cause it's a new year *smirk*. No more smoking, yes more saving of money and yes more living life to the fullest. I want to live like older people do. Doing things because their fear is gone, because they want to enjoy life before their time is up. I want to be old and wise NOW. Hell with packing your precious china away for a rainy day... use it now and enjoy it.

160 I went to the gym for the first time in two full weeks this morning. I did cardio no problem and did biceps/triceps and abs. I pushed myself so hard Carl would have been proud of me. I am still coughing up ick, but I felt just fine during and after the workout, so I'm probably going to go back tomorrow. Keith and I were thinking of going for a bike ride or inline skating, but it's cold as heck out there and looks like it is going to rain.

There's not really a whole lot new going on in my life right now. The holidays are past and I start back to work after two weeks of vacation on Monday. It's going to be tough getting back into the swing of things, but I'm ready. I have been eating a little more each day, and I think it's helping. I'm still losing weight, but I feel a bit more normal. I'm still not really doing breakfast, but that's going to change starting tomorrow. I'm ready to start eating eggs or something protien to start my day. I have slipped up a couple of times due to stress though. Yesterday I was in Costco, returning a lovely toaster oven given to us for Christmas and I bought a thing of chocolate covered almond clusters. Those used to be my favorite pre-surgery, and in a weak moment, I got them. Last night I pulled some watermelon out of the fridge for a snack and added in three of the almond clusters. They tasted horrible. Not to mention WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?! I am going to throw that vat of nastiness away today. Now even.

Done. Whew. I mean.. I so do not want to get back in to old habits. I LOVE chocolate and almonds together, and if I really really am dying to have it, I'll truck myself down to the local See's Candies and buy an almond cluster, Consciously, conscientiously, alertly.. etc etc etc. Raar.

159 and I'm supposedly 27% bodyfat now. So my new goal is 145, cause at 5'5" that is the top end of the "healthy" BMI range.

I made it to the gym both Saturday and Sunday. Sunday I did legs. Today Carl and I got up screaming early and did chest. I have to work a new schedule at 7am now so we are getting up earlier. OWiTCH. This afternoon I might go for a run cause we totally skipped cardio. Either that or I'm going to ride the Precor at home. Keith asked me this weekend how long it had been since I'd gotten on it. I'll have to check what weight the thing is set at to really know. I never really imagined when I bought the thing how much I'd enjoy going to the gym. I really like going there and doing cardio too... but I need to get my money's worth out of the thing. We are planning a ski trip in February that I need to get in shape for.. more squats, more leg work period. I need it anyway because my ass is disappearing. I used to have way too much "junk in the trunk" but now I have almost none left *smirk*

I went to Sacramento yesterday and visited my mom. I hadn't seen her in a few months and she was astounded at how I looked. She kept saying that I looked like the 12 year old she used to know, and that I'd gotten my body back. She kept telling me how proud she was of all the work I've been doing, and how happy she was for me. It was amazing. We had a great talk too. She recently discovered she's diabetic and she's been dealing with food issues just like I have. We talked a lot about being "sober". Being fat like I was is a lot like being an alcoholic in that I used food as my drug. Not being able to eat is like being a recovering alcoholic in a way. I'm a freaking crazy person *grin*

161 Today Carl and I worked out on back... I love it when he says "C'mon, you can do it you sexy BITCH" to get me motivated *smirk* Having a 6'4" man growling at you can help though, let me tell you.

Today I've had one protein drink, 1 cup home made goulash for breakfast (burger, stewed tomatoes, kidney beans, well cooked-rice), and about 2 oz. BBQ pork with rice noodles for lunch (Vietnamese restaurant). Again, the rice noodles made me yawny and out of sorts. I have an orange sitting here at my desk, not sure if I am going to eat it though. I ate half of one yesterday for a snack. I figure the scale went up today because I haven't really gotten in the amount of water I should be. I'm way below 64 oz. a day. Maybe 48 yesterday. Today I will try harder though. I'm a little worried that eating more/more often will push the numbers up too, but I'm trying to be objective and not freak out over a 2lb number change.

Okay, Shae smacked me around a little and split the orange with me *smiles*

164 It's my 9 month anniversary today! 9 months to make a baby... 9 months to remake myself. My weight is up today, but I've also noticed that I can't get my ring off cause I'm retaining water like crazy. Yesterday I must have drunk at least 64oz, but it takes a couple of days to get your body back on track.

163 I petered out on my journal entry for Friday, and today's is going to be short... I may add more later this evening. I went to the gym by myself on Friday, spent an hour and a half there. 40 minutes cardio and and hour on legs and abs. Yesterday I didn't do anything, and today Carl and I just got back from spending 60 minutes on cardio at the gym. 40 on the Precor and 20 on the recumbant bike.

164 Well, it's traveling back down, that's always a bonus. I'm eating a "Southwestern" chicken salad right now. Tomatoes, seasoned grilled chicken chunks (protein), feta cheese (protein), blue cheese dressing (protein/fat) and lettuce (roughage, good for your gallbladder!). I don't worry a whole lot about fat content in food because you need fat to burn fat, and as long as it isn't coming from junk food or fried food I feel like I'm doing just fine. This morning I had a 1 egg veggie omelet and a handful of peanuts. I'm doing okay so far. Last night I ate those goddamn apple slices dipped in caramel again.. and when I went out to coffee at midnight with my friend Todd, I ordered a short stack. I ate one pancake... I wished I hadn't. I got that full/sick feeling. Not dumping, but that "why the hell did I just eat that?" feeling. I don't like feeling that at all. I realize that I'm thirsty too and that might be triggering me to feel like I'm hungry. The two sensations are pretty confused when you are overweight and eating non-stop, and don't get that much easier to distinguish later on either. But the golden rule is, when in doubt, drink first!

I'm leaving for Seattle tonight. I'm hoping two days out of town will do something to temper this eating thing. Not being home with the fridge right there so that I can't grab a snack when I feel bored, etc. Maybe by the time I get home and weigh in on Friday I'll be back down to 159... *crosses fingers and self* I plan on drinking shitloads of water starting NOW. I'm not even through one 24oz bottle yet for the day. I'm slacking, big time. It used to be fun to have to run to the bathroom every hour *smirk*.

I didn't do a lick of exercise today, skipped the gym. I didn't pack any workout clothes for this trip either. I'll get back on track on Friday with Carl. I've been going on the weekends to make up for the days during the week that I've missed recently. I plan on being back to my M-F schedule next week.

I'm pretty excited about this trip.. I got ahold of a couple of friends who moved to Seattle back in August. I hadn't seen them since before that move either, so it will be fun to see them again, and of course for them to see the new me. Last night Todd looked at me and said "no more shrinking". Today someone else at work asked me if I was done losing weight yet and said if I lost any more I'd be about "this high" as he placed his hand about two feet above the ground. So what I'm trying to say is I'm about satisfied with my weight loss, as far as how it looks. Yes, I want Fred and Helga and Olga gone, but as for the rest.. I'm into a size 8-10 misses and a 11-13 jr's in pants.. smaller than that on top.. I feel good, I think I look good... I'm pretty damnned happy. I want the plastics to get rid of my wrinkly extra skin, but I'm going to try not to drive myself crazy if I don't get down to a BMI of 24 (weight 145). Especially not if it means I'm still sculpting muscle and getting in good shape... I want to be able to run a marathon one day.. but I'll settle for a mile non-stop for now!

Yeah, we'll see how long this pronouncement lasts....

Dunno my weight, I'm in Seattle!

Slept like a baby in the lovely feather bed at the hotel... mmmmm.. I want one of those mattresses for home.

156 Holy crap.. 7 lbs lost this week. Maybe there's something to that "retaining water while on your period" thing.

156 Worked out today with Carl.. we are back on track I think. Did chest today. I pushed as hard as I could on bench presses, benched 85/85/105. Ow. Carl had to help on the last 2-3 reps. We did abs for the first time in like 10 days I think. Ow.

Remember that pronouncement I made back on Tuesday last week? Out the window. Now I'm only 6 lbs to my original pre-surgery goal of 150.. and I'm going to get there, dammit. Maybe by next week... heh... My size 8 Levi's are getting baggy ... Maybe I'm ready for 6's. Did I EVER think I'd be in a size 6 anything?! Hell no.

I've not a whole lot to say.. just living life, eating... moving right along. Just called Golds to get in touch with another personal trainer there. Hopefully she will call back tonight and I can set something up... I really want to start sculpting my bod into something fabulous... I feel pretty good about my musculature now (maybe I'll post some flexing pics later this week *smirk*) but I need to figure out how to carve it out... Some things just will not show until I have plastics.. and that will come soon enough.

I did really well on food this weekend.. ate like a normal person. Keith and I went to Olive Garden and I got the stuffed chicken parmesan.. it was wonderful. It came with pasta, which I had one bite of, and the rest was all about chicken. I also ate their salad, but no breadsticks. I think I can handle eating out. The last week we went to this new chinese place around the corner from our house. I got the sauteed stringbean chicken, and even had a little rice with it. Not much more than 1/8 cup, but it was good. I got porkbuns too, but they were too bready, so they went in the trash. Saturday night the gang got together (Carl and his wife Christi, Drake and Carrie, all their kids, Keith and I and our friends Steven and Jolene), BBQ's and made D&D characters for my new campaign. Nerdville central, it was beautiful.

158 S'all good. Not worried. Drinking lots of water. Carl and I did legs and abs today. We are doing a more concentrated ab workout where we tighten up more, move slower for fewer reps. It actually hurts a lot more to do that than fast and furious.

Food today.. two strips of bacon, 1 over easy egg for breakfast. 2 cups of fruit to snack on over the course of the day. 2.5 rice paper/shrimp/pork/ricenoodle wraps for lunch. 1 oz. peppered beef jerky for snack. Cripe my mouth is on fire!

Tonight Keith and I are going to Thai food for dinner, then to the San Jose Museum of Art. A date *smiles*. I'm looking forward to it!

Last night I crashed on the couch at 8pm because I haven't been sleeping well at night. It felt SOOOO good. I actually woke back up at 10, freezing my hiney off and sat in a hot bath for a few minutes before going to bed. Getting back on the workout program is not easy, that's for sure, but I feel SO much better for it. Tomorrow is shoulder day I believe, then bi's and tri's on Friday.

160 Well crap. It's cool... Maybe I should throw the scale away? Just weigh in on Sundays and leave it at that?